Photo Credit - http://moz.com/about/team/randfish
The random loss of a superpower is a common storyline in the comic strips. The situation is usually a short-lived scenario, but it usually puts the superhero in a confused or foreign state of mind. While it certainly makes for anxious and awkward moments, the super-hero inevitably regains his power and sanity. As a result, the world is safe again.In less than a week, the world of Inbound Marketing will once more be rocked at the Inbound 13 conference hosted by Hubspot in Boston, MA. The conference will have many superheroes of the SEO and Inbound Marketing world in attendance. One of our favorites, Rand Fishkin, will be gracing the stage at Inbound. What is it about Rand that makes him so darn likeable? Is it his wit? Is it the beard? Or, maybe it’s his wealth of knowledge about the topic of search? Nope. While we think there are many factors that play into the popularity of Rand Fishkin and his company, Moz, there is really only one factor that makes Rand who he is today: The Yellow Pumas Superman has his Cape. The Green Latern has his ring.And, Rand has the Yellow Pumas.
So, what if Rand ditched the yellow shoes? Worse off, what if Rand accidentally lost the infamous yellow shoes while traveling to some big event like Inbound 13? We kicked this around at the BlinkJar Media headquarters, and decided to list out the painful tangents that would take place, if Rand showed up to Inbound 13 without the shoes. Our theory is simple. When detached from the Pumas, Rand is exposed and vulnerable to “Mozinite” (the kryptonite of SEO). When exposed to this “Mozinite," Rand loses all of his usual SEO intellect. The following list covers the immediate irrational and uncontrollable behavior that may transpire at Rand’s Inbound 2013 presentation (“sans” yellow shoes):1. BLACKLIGHT SUNDAY REPLACES WHITEBOARD FRIDAYRand will announce the elimination of “Whiteboard Friday." Everything at Moz will now be BLACKLIGHT SUNDAY! Say good-bye to the positive and enlightening topics on SEO. Rand will turn back the hands of time to the late nineties, where all the black hat techniques were born. Rand will let everyone at Inbound 13 know that he believes the future of search will be to invest in the past. Buying Links, Keyword stuffing, spammy blog comments, Link exchange schemes, and massive article submissions are all the wave of the future. Rand further supports the topics covered in BLACKLIGHT SUNDAYS by announcing that he has invested in Alta Vista. Here is what Blacklight Sundays will look like: 2. WHEN IT COMES TO SEARCH, CONVERSE IS KING.Two years ago – CONtent is the king!One year ago – CONtext is the king!Inbound 2013 – CONverse is the king!?!Move over Puma. Rand will announce that converse is the new shoe of choice for Mr. Rand Fishkin. Based on key research, Rand believes that there is a direct relation between bloggers who wear converse and search rankings. Don’t believe him? Marketing Scientist at Moz, Dr. Peter J. Meyers (obviously affected by Mizonite as well) will state,“My algorithm concludes there is an eighteen percent higher search ranking in bloggers sporting converse over those wearing Pumas." Rand will announce a pending contract with converse at Inbound 13. Continuing his effort to support the “old school” theme, Rand will also inform the crowd that he is working on a new Converse commercial with Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, as this one is a bit dated….3. Rand believes the future of SEO negotiations is in Barter or Trade.As a big fan of the viral video for Dollar Shave Club (isn’t everyone?), Rand wanted to show his support. The famously bearded CEO rarely has the need for a razor, but feels a true connection with the whole Dollar Shave Club vibe. In his professional opinion, Rand has found that the Dollar Shave Club campaign is nearly flawless. Ironically, the one missing ingredient in this web campaign is a true lack of attention given to the SEO strategy. As stated in this video, the company did nearly everything else right.So, at Inbound 13, a new and progressive announcement will be made. Rand Fishkin and MOZ will trade the SEO Services of Moz with Dollar Shave Club. In exchange, Dollar Shave Club will deliver complimentary dollar razors to the front doorsteps of the MOZ office for an eternity. At Inbound 13, Rand will explain,“They need SEO help, and the guys at MOZ need razors (kind of).”The razors will particularly come in handy during MOVEMBER, an annual fundraising effort at the MOZ office where the male members grow mustaches for charity. As anyone can see, razors are a rare commodity at MOZ, so this trade will be a welcomed addition by the MOZ staff. Is this a good deal? No, it’s a F****** great deal (reference dollar shave club video below).4. Eliminating Google from all future presentations and Keynote SpeechesRand will completely lose faith in Google and will begin analyzing the algorithm of the blekko search engine. At Inbound 13, Rand will explain the rationale (or lack thereof) for the speedy decision to eliminate Google from his presentation. There are several determining factors in his decision:a. Rand’s frustrations increased when he searched Google for a Seattle Basketball team and could not find a result.b. Further support came when Rand searched Google for the best bloggers in Seattle. Results… Rand – 0 / Geraldine (Rand’s Wife) – 1c. Google mapped a route to Vancouver and ended up shopping for Van Covers. 5. Confuses KING of SEO with KING of the NBA
Photo Credit - s_bukley / Shutterstock.com
Standing in front of a large crowd on stage, Rand will incorrectly think he is the KING of the NBA. Often labeled the King of SEO, Rand will confuse SEO with NBA. As King of the NBA, Rand will automatically jump in tomode. With this hallucination taking place in front of a sizeable audience, Rand will turn Inbound 13 into the second coming of
, Rand informs the Inbound 13 crowd of the newly formed partnership between Moz and Hubspot. The new name will be:MOHUB! So, it is quite evident that the yellow shoes are a key integral part of Rand’s presentation. Let’s all hope that he packs several extra pairs, so that there will be no chance of any of these hallucinations at Inbound 13. As with our favorite superheroes, we certainly want Rand to make the SEO world safe again. With extra yellow shoes, all should be right at the Inbound Conference in Boston. Unfortunately, as with any superhero plot, there is always that chance of the yellow shoes falling into the wrong hands (or feet) of the evil doers,
**Full Disclosure: The staff at BlinkJar Media do not really think that the yellow shoes have some sort of power over Rand Fishkin. Quotes made by Rand Fishkin or the Moz staff in this blog were never made. We also have no idea what announcements will be made at Inbound 13 by Rand Fishkin, but we are certain that the announcements will be great! ***Photos of Rand Fishkin provided by: http://moz.com/about/team/randfish